i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
