I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize