someone threw a dead crab at me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
