god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
