You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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