my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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