we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize