guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my shit smells like andre
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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