I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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