I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
