living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
