Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
