woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
