I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize