I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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