I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
