i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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