Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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