I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
