im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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