Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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