Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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