I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
