If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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