I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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