Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
