so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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