This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
