Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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