Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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