I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
