what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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