just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Everyone says I win the strip club
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
