you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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