i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
