Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize