Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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