i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
