if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Randomize
