Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
