He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
