our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
