Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Pooping to opera.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
