so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They took my balls.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
