mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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