at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
