I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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