You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
