glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My balls are so social today.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize