There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize