I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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