And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
