I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize