we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
