He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
