you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
