Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
