I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
