I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
