So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
