you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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