I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
