Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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