hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
