i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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