Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
