i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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