Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
