I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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