if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
