she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
