I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
