If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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