I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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