I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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