My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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