R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
