At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
