Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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