he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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