we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize