My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize