I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
