More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize