also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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