Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
